Where Love Comes Second!

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Where Love Comes Second!

Is being in love reason enough to get married? After all, love is but an emotional response sans reasoning, and human beings are known to be moody creatures constantly doubting their actions and emotions. People from the Western culture or those raised in non-conformist background would argue, even go on to say ‘isn’t love the only reason, or shouldn’t it be?’ But what if, the only reason for you to get married doesn’t stay the same after few years of nuptials?

‘Marriage’ comes first in an arranged marriage, love and everything else is second. But to call arranged marriage, a loveless marriage is nasty and insensitive, and it is really not fair on our part to comment on something we haven’t experienced.

Arranged marriage is an age-old practice that still exist in some traditional Indian and African societies, royal and aristocratic classes, and in some Muslim, Amish and Unification Church communities, geographically spread across in countries like India, Japan, Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq, Bangladesh, China and Indonesia. It may be an orthodox practice, but it is time-tested, many people still swear by it and it has a comparatively lower divorce rate.

Love marriage is the union of two young hormones who carry the viewpoint that marriage is ‘love’. It brings with it heaps of expectations and loads of promises to keep up with. You assume marriage is a world of roses, of laughs, of waking up with your sweetheart every morning and having such romantic moments every day in your life. You expect him to act ‘like before’ because in your head if he ‘could’ before marriage, he ‘can’ afterwards too! Furthermore, while you believe in togetherness, you also believe in having your personal space and freedom.

Arranged marriage on the other hand is an altogether different ballgame. It is about coming together of two families, honoring them, taking care of them, and allowing them to have a say in your life, and it is about about procreation and preserving the gene pool and culture. Arranged marriage comes from the belief that youngsters cannot make a wise and informed decision, and elderly people are most likely suited for the job. And when elderly or the wiser lot get involved, they like to bring with them a whole, long list with them. Factors like age, wealth, family background, astrology, religion, caste, physical appearance, profession and education, and every small detail of the girl and the boy then become important criteria for the matchmaker. The entire process of finding the right match is time-consuming and cumbersome, but let’s not forget that the mothers and fathers and the relatives involved are exploring options for a prospective “daughter-in-law” or a “son-in-law” rather than just looking for a bride and a groom!

The notion in traditional marriage is ‘love will happen someday’ once the two of them start living together. The ‘others’- the love-struck or the rebellious may find it hysterical and consider it quasi-blind optimism, but it is quite a positive approach to starting a new relationship. Moreover, when has love marriage produced charming result, isn’t it? So, if you are not able to find a suitable partner, it is after all, not a bad idea to hand over the responsibility to the people who gave birth to you. Sometimes, our parents know better than we do.

By |August 14th, 2012|INDIA|2 Comments


  1. VIWA August 15, 2012 at 9:43 pm - Reply

    @ Anita – Marriage is a gamble, you take the plunge with faith and trust, not knowing what’s ahead of you. Yeah, in some cases it doesn’t work or there is a price to pay.

  2. anita August 15, 2012 at 9:24 am - Reply

    In arranged marriage parents normally look for a ‘son-in-law’ or ‘daughter-in-law’ as per their choice/like, which may be different from that of the child. In some cases the concerned married child has to pay a very heavy price for such ‘like’.

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